I'm not going to Florida....

Sorry. I know the overwhelming consensus is that I should go but I'm going to spend the weekend in Atlanta. There are a number of reasons why I feel like this is the best course of action. One of them is that I'm a big pansy. I'm going to try to elaborate most of my reasoning by answering the comments that you've all left which I really do appreciate, BTW. One great thing about my friends is that they don't sugarcoat anything and I'm never left wondering where they stand. If I fuck up, they're going to let me know that I fucked up and I have a feeling they're going to be pretty upset with me. Anyway, on to the comments:

AlCantHang said...
Think of the other two stadiums like the juice on a poker tournament. 28+2. And don't we all hate to pay the rake/juice? :)

***I like this silly little analogy. However, as much as we dislike juice we still have to pay so I'm still going to hit those stadiums this year. This way I have an excuse to fly to South Beach for a week, anyone want to come? I also think this analogy could be written in a Roundersesque fashion: "In the baseball game of life, the Florida stadiums are the rake. They are the fucking rake."

Anonymous said...
Hmm I think that armpits are the best. I mean, don't you want to look back and say you went to the "Old Earls" of the majors?

And I really want a foam Tomahawk. Seriously, please.

-Harlow

***The Earls analogy suits Yankee Stadium better. Sure it's old, dirty and needs to be replaced but there's a ton of baseball history that has been made there. Earls was old, nasty, and needed to be condemned but we loved it because of the memories that we made there. The $4 Adios Motherfuckers that led to $12 blackouts, the iced-down trough urinal in the bathroom that I thought I was going to catch an STD from, the fact that Pun was a bouncer for so long all made me love Earls. The stadiums in Florida are more like some unknown shithole in Renton. I feel no connection to it and I have absolutely zero desire to see the place, especially if I have to drive to Renton at 4:30 in the afternoon. Nah, the "Old Earls" analogy doesn't really work for me. BTW, I bought you a foam tomahawk tonight. Enjoy it, you bigot.

Anonymous said...
I don't know Dookie, but I agree with him. If you're gonna do this, you should do it right. If that means punishing yourself to the point where you aren't even having fun anymore, then so be it. At least you took your licks like a man.

-Justin

**I'm a little surprised by this one because Dusty usually comes up with great analogies and perfect explainations. The point of this trip isn't to prove my manliness, it's to enjoy our national pasttime. "Punishing myself to the point where I'm not even having fun" sounds like a bad idea to me.

Anonymous said...
You cant skip the Florida part. Its simple principle...you went on the roadtrip to see ALL the stadiums, I think it is a no brainer to go check them out no matter how un-deoderized those Parks are.

davis

***This argument makes the most sense to me. It really seems like a no-brainer: there are enough hours in the day to make it to these stadiums, so get off your lazy butt and go see them. However, once I started using my brain I realized that the schedule is just too murderous and the reward not worth the pain. Here's what my schedule looks like if I were to head to Tampa tomorrow:

Saturday: Wake up, eat and get on the road by noon. It's 7.5 hours and about 483 miles to Tampa. Cliff and I arrive in Tampa at 7:30, watch the game, then head to our motel and call it a night.

Sunday: Wake up, hit the road by 9 AM. It's 4 hours to Miami and the game is at 1 PM. After the game, at 4 PM drive back to Fort Rucker, AL. That's a smooth 9.5 hours and 615 miles on the road. We arrive at 1:30 in the morning and go to bed.

Monday: I wake up god knows when, after the draining weekend, and face more than 15 hours of driving and 955 miles to Baltimore for the game on Tuesday night. This is the dangerous stretch where I'm by myself and will assuredly be tired as hell. I also have a stretch after the Baltimore game where I go DC-Philly-NYC-Boston-Cooperstown-NYC-Toronto and a few other places after Toronto with only one day of rest in Boston. Blech.

Here's the schedule if I puss out:

Saturday: Wake up at my leisure and go to brunch with my brother, his roommate and his roommate's wife. Come home, watch the NFL draft and either go to another Braves game or grill some steaks here at his wife's parents' house. At night, hit the town with my brother and drink a lot of beer. Pass out around 3 AM.

Sunday: Wake up at my leisure, have one last meal with my brother and face an 11 hour, 686 mile trip to Baltimore. I'll probably drive north to Charlotte, 4 hours from Atlanta, and spend the night at Steve Smith's house.

Monday: Wake up at my leisure and drive to Washington DC or Baltimore. It's about 7 more hours and I have friends that I can see in both cities. Tuesday is the Orioles game and I'm rested and ready for the slew of East Coast games.

Clearly, the reward is great for sucking it up. I get to say that I went to all the stadiums and I prove my manhood. However, I just don't think that the pain and risk are worth it. This is one case where I really feel that the risk outweighs the reward.

Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I think it's a no-brainer to skip the games in Florida. I probably made a mistake when I made my schedule so hectic but I didn't realize how draining the drives would be. Believe me, I needed the couple of days in Dallas after my Phoenix-Dallas jaunt and I really needed the rest in Alabama after my Houston-Fort Rucker experience. Like I said before, it's a good excuse to head to Miami for a week, probably right after the World Series of Poker.

Lastly, you're right, I did go on this trip to see all the stadiums but in life there are always two principles that we take for granted. (1) Staying alive and (2) Having fun. Say it's Friday night and I'm going out to the bar. We get to the bar and Popper's there with his fellow gangsters and I want to leave. Even though my mission was to go to that bar, I'm aborting the mission becuse both of life's principles are being violated. I'm scared that Popper is going to shoot me and I'm not going to have fun when I'm scared. I know it's not a great analogy but the unsaid life principles are my main point. Maybe I'm a pansy becuase I don't want to do all that extra driving. I'm OK with that.

Dr. Pauly said...
I thought you were gonna get pinched for sure...!!

***Yeah, it's a good thing that I'm a drug-free individual. I'm sure many of my friends would have had to stash the pipe and spray the air-freshener.

Anonymous said...
Tampa is worth a visit, if you like San Diego you'll like Tampa; just spend as little time as possible in the ballpark. Makes the Kingdome look cheerful.

Watch those backroads in Georgia, especially 101. "Lu-u-u-dowici, out on 101" was a song about a notorious speed trap. They don't cotton to outta state plates.

Anonymous said...
http://speedtrap.org/

***I think these were possibly the same person. That speedtrap webpage is really helpful, and they even warn about the cop that pulled me over a few nights ago. Anonymous, you're a great person to have 3 days AFTER a crisis. Also, I'm pretty surprised that he said, "well since you're not from around here I'll give you a warning". I was definitely expecting, "OK, latte drinking, hybrid driving northerner. Grab your ankles and squeal like a pig!"

I really would like to spend a lot of time in both Tampa and Miami but the reality is that I'll be in the stadiums, driving or sleeping the entire time. A benefit to skipping the games now is that I have time to make a return trip later in the year and enjoy the cities while spending minimal time in the ballparks.

TitoSantana said...
Congrats on the chicken salad! but please don't get too clean with the diet! Enjoy the regional cuisine as much as possible!

I would honestly go to florda. make sure you get some rest in between tho. and go to your freinds wedding ceremoney, you will look back and regret it if you dont.

also are you playing any interent poker at all during this trip?

***Tito! Thanks for your consistent contributions to the blog. I really love getting comments and yours are always fun to read. BTW, are you this guy? If you are, I could drive my car off a cliff tomorrow and die knowing I've reached the ultimate in blogging. If not, who are you? Have we met?

I don't know if you realize what my schedule is like but your suggestions are pretty much impossible to follow. I can't go to Florida AND get some rest. It's one or the other. And you're right, I do feel a lot of regret for missing Mike's ceremony but I'm going to find a way to make it up to him. Finally, yes, I am playing some poker on the trip. I'll be playing a ton in May so look for me on Poker Stars, my screenname is "schaefer".

Anonymous said...
A year and a half huh? How time flies. It seemed like such a long walk to the Waffle Hoooose. Why don't you take Cliff with you to Florida, he does have the Brian Scahefer Gene you know.

Dmelvi007

***Meaningless drivel from Danny. God bless you, child.

The game tonight was great. Pedro allowed some baserunners but the only damage was a 2-run homer by Chipper. The Mets also got quite a few baserunners against Smoltz but David Wright's 2-homer day is what sealed the game for the road team. Billy Wagner was shaky, loading the bases in the 9th but he ended up striking out the side and the Mets won 5-2. I'll try to get some pictures up soon but Cliff's roomate's wife's parents' house doesn't have wireless Internet so I'm using their desktop. Four apostrophes in a row, sweet!

My friend, CL, wrote me a text message saying "28/30 is pretty lame man. Not gonna lie. But, no one cares about those *** teams anyway. If dontrelle is piching, you go. If not, don't. You're my boy." You're my boy too, CL! I decided to check the pitching matchups and on Saturday in Tampa it's Lenny DiNardo vs Doug Waechter. Hmmmmmmm. In Miami on Sunday it's Miguel Asencio vs Brian Moehler. I've heard of Brian Moehler before but I couldn't tell you a single thing about him. The rest of the guys I wouldn't know from Adam. It's kinda hard to go from Smoltz-Pedro to those guys and put forth much effort doing it.

One thing left. Jimmy left me a message on my phone with one of the strangest analogies that I've ever heard: "Pretend that I'm in a room with 30 naked girls who want to sleep with me. 28 are smoking hot and 2 are ugly. Would I sleep with only 28 or sleep with all 30? Clearly the answer is all 30 so I should go to all 30 stadiums." I don't really know how to respond to this one but I'm pretty sure it isn't going to change my mind. Besides, I'll sleep with the ugly girls after the WSOP in August anyway. All that medical school has made Jimmy loopy.

I hope my friends took the time to read through this and can see where I'm coming from. It's definitely possible that they read the title "I'm not going to Florida" and immediately went out to throw eggs my house. I love you guys. Later, y'all.