Saturday, October 29, 2005

Almost there

We're almost fully moved into the new place. We have the UHaul reserved on Sunday for the big items, beds and couches, but we've moved most of the little stuff already. UHaul really chaps my ass. The truck costs $19.95 to rent for one day BUT you have to pay for 50 miles at $0.79 per mile. That's $40 extra dollars that they don't advertise to you, twice the rental of the truck! Are you kidding me? They have quite a monopoly on the moving business but I think it's messed up.

Bill Simmons is amazing. He makes me literally laugh out loud multiple times per article. Here's a great bit from this week's NFL picks column:

Chiefs (+6.5) over CHARGERS
Seems like a three-point game to me. And since I have nothing else to add ... watching football last Sunday with my friends, I brought up the topic, "What touchdown dance would cause the biggest possible fine?"

You would think it would be Adam Carolla's idea for the "Touchdown Poop," which I described two years ago -- basically, the guy scores a touchdown, then squats like he's on the bowl, stays there for a couple of seconds, turns the pages of an imaginary newspaper and finally "pushes" the ball between his legs. We figured that if Randy Moss did that, he would get suspended for a game and fined like $150,000. Plus, Joe Buck might start crying on the air.

But I think this one would be worse: "The Delivery." What if Moss scored a TD and immediately fell to the ground on his back, with his legs up in the air like a pregnant woman, and two receivers stood on either side "cheering him on," and Randy pretended he was pushing, and finally the QB leaned over him and "pulled" the football from Randy's loins, then held the football to his shoulder like a baby for a few seconds before Moss stood up, gingerly grabbed the "baby," cut an imaginary umbilical cord, then spiked the ball as hard as he possibly could? I think that would be like a three-game suspension and a $500,000 fine, right? Plus, Buck would be more distraught than Walter Cronkite after JFK's assassination. Let's hope and pray that Randy reads

The Delivery! If I saw any NFL player act that one out I don't know what would happen to me. I'd probably get checked into the local insane asylum and scream "Bill Simmons is a genius" incessantly for the rest of my life.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

One great benefit of Seatown, Brandon; you either have Handy Andy with hella cheap truck rentals or you got Ken Barron Truck Rentals where the trucks are always free!!! (For a small fee to Bones of course) Great to see you're enjoying your new place, see you when you come back to the 206.